It got harder, but I think it just got better.

• Author: Wunder
• Filed under: Life
• Date: Apr 16,2008

I talked with Danielle today, and it made me feel a lot better. I know I’m being overly sensitive about a lot of things, maybe more than a guy should be, and I’ll fix that, but I guess i’m just being fearful of losing the most important person in the world to me. That’s gotta be what it is. Fortunately though, I have a great feeling that her and I will fix whatever comes our way, because that’s what a relationship is, right? Two people that love each other that are willing to be adults and address and fix the issues that come up.

I was pretty miserable there for a couple days just even fathoming the thought of losing her. I guess you really learn how much someone means to you after going outside of a routine. We definitely got out of our normal routine of talking every day, and I think that’s what startled me so much. Especially with how things went on Sunday, it just didn’t feel any better not talking to her after all that.

I’m happy to say that her and I have talked, though, and we have both said that we want to work on this and move past it, and be happy together like we were. That’s really all I want. I honestly believe that her and I, given the chance, could still redefine what love truly is in the world. I know I already have for myself. I mean, she’s my everything. Ya ya ya I say that a lot, but it just becomes more and more true every single day. I think of the little things that really mean so much to me. When I notice that smile when I kiss her nose, or how softly her eyes are closed after we kiss. I notice her soft sighs when I stroke her hair, and those times when she holds me tighter or cuddles up in her spot on my chest. Those are the times that I live for with her. I can be enveloped in those times forever and I would be truly happy.

This is a sappy post, I know, but I had to get it out. I’m still on my eternal quest to ultimately try and explain how much she means to me. I’m sure I’ll complete that quest one day. In the meantime I get to have the fun of trying.

It’s 5:30 in the morning and I want to go home. I think I have my car appointment today to get it’s service and everything, but they never called me back to confirm, so I don’t know. It’s either today or tomorrow. Either way, it desperately needs to get fixed, because just tonight on my way to work the Check Engine light came on, and that’s never a good sign.

In other news, got accepted at the apartments that I wanted. Only problem there is that they want 1 month down as a security deposit. I mean wow, that’s a $700 security deposit! Oh well, it’s completely refundable of course, so I’ll have to ask them about that move-in special when I talk to them next. I hope they still honor it. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to move in there.

I’m cutting this post short. I’ll write more later. Maybe today I’ll actually get around to modifying the banner and everything. I need to fill those ad spots too. Don’t know what the hell I’ll be doing with those. Any ideas are very welcome!

Things have to get harder before they get better, right?

• Author: Wunder
• Filed under: Life
• Date: Apr 15,2008

I’m not feeling so hot right now.  The woman of my dreams wants to take a break.  Not from me, but it sure feels that way.  I don’t think I know what happened, but from what I can tell, I lost sight of how important sleep is for her.  We were asleep, and Homer wanted to go out.  I was half asleep and he was whining to get out of the bedroom, probably to go play with Kona or something, and in my half-asleep stupor, i wanted Danielle to let him out since I got up earlier and let him out.  I guess somehow in my head that seemed the fair thing to do since I really didn’t want to get up either, but maybe that was a wrong choice in retrospect.  I probably should have gotten up to let him out, then things would be ok.

Wow that’s odd to think about.  If I let out the dog, things would be ok.  That just sounds so miniscule and unimportant when it’s put like that, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  A lot of bad shit happened after that, and she ended up crying and leaving.  I tried to talk to her the whole time, and tried to get her to stay, but she wouldn’t have it, and instead drove back to Tucson.

I feel absolutely awful about the whole thing.  I keep adding things together in my head that just makes me even more upset and heartbroken.  I mean, my heart is absolutely shattered right now, and I don’t know what to do.  I love that woman more than life itself.  Even in our little differences, there’s no one I’d rather spend time with and be next to at any given moment of the day than her.  She’s my Delilah, my princess and my babydoll.  We have the greatest fun in anything we do.  This weekend just seemed to blow up in our faces.  It’s horrible, but I want it fixed.  I want Danielle.  I want her so bad, and it feels like I can’t have her, and that kills me.

I talked to her tonight online for a couple of minutes.  She says she loves me, and yet wants to take a break for a couple of days so she can focus on work.  Yes I’m a little paranoid about that, but I can’t help but feel that way.  It scares the shit out of me, because she’s the most important person in the world to me.  My lover, my friend, and in my opinion, my soulmate.

I love her so much, so goddamn much.  I hope she knows that, and I hope her and I get through this and continue on with a wonderful and lasting relationship that I know as home.