Things have to get harder before they get better, right?

• Author: Wunder
• Filed under: Life
• Date: Apr 15,2008

I’m not feeling so hot right now.  The woman of my dreams wants to take a break.  Not from me, but it sure feels that way.  I don’t think I know what happened, but from what I can tell, I lost sight of how important sleep is for her.  We were asleep, and Homer wanted to go out.  I was half asleep and he was whining to get out of the bedroom, probably to go play with Kona or something, and in my half-asleep stupor, i wanted Danielle to let him out since I got up earlier and let him out.  I guess somehow in my head that seemed the fair thing to do since I really didn’t want to get up either, but maybe that was a wrong choice in retrospect.  I probably should have gotten up to let him out, then things would be ok.

Wow that’s odd to think about.  If I let out the dog, things would be ok.  That just sounds so miniscule and unimportant when it’s put like that, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  A lot of bad shit happened after that, and she ended up crying and leaving.  I tried to talk to her the whole time, and tried to get her to stay, but she wouldn’t have it, and instead drove back to Tucson.

I feel absolutely awful about the whole thing.  I keep adding things together in my head that just makes me even more upset and heartbroken.  I mean, my heart is absolutely shattered right now, and I don’t know what to do.  I love that woman more than life itself.  Even in our little differences, there’s no one I’d rather spend time with and be next to at any given moment of the day than her.  She’s my Delilah, my princess and my babydoll.  We have the greatest fun in anything we do.  This weekend just seemed to blow up in our faces.  It’s horrible, but I want it fixed.  I want Danielle.  I want her so bad, and it feels like I can’t have her, and that kills me.

I talked to her tonight online for a couple of minutes.  She says she loves me, and yet wants to take a break for a couple of days so she can focus on work.  Yes I’m a little paranoid about that, but I can’t help but feel that way.  It scares the shit out of me, because she’s the most important person in the world to me.  My lover, my friend, and in my opinion, my soulmate.

I love her so much, so goddamn much.  I hope she knows that, and I hope her and I get through this and continue on with a wonderful and lasting relationship that I know as home.